Ahhh, Summer! Kids sleep a little later, we don’t have to rush out of the house first thing in the morning, and I love those long summer evenings. But alas, school is rearing its head, and so is the inevitable feeling of wondering how the heck I am ever going to get these kids back to a decent bedtime? After a lot of thought and research I present R.E.S.T. But don’t wait- start R.E.S.T. now while you still have some time before school begins (I have 8 days but who’s counting?).
The Perfect Bedtime Routine – R.E.S.T.
Routine
Empowerment
Snuggle Time
Teach Children to Relax
Routine – Create a healthy bedtime routine and use it consistently. Unpredictability can cause feelings of anxiety and the result is resistance. A healthy routine starts at dinner and can include playtime, bathtime, clean-up, snack, books, snuggle time and other soothing activities. Limit screen time, especially after dinner! Even “educational programs” can elicit a stress response in your child’s brain, making it more difficult for them to fall asleep easily.
Once a healthy routine is established it is easier to enter the routine in the middle whenever needed. For example, if you have dinner at a friend’s house and return home late you might have to jump into the routine in the final steps (snuggle time or reading time) which works fine when your children follow a routine most of the time.
Empowerment – When children begin to realize they are independent beings they develop a need for control. This is a normal part of development. By offering your children opportunities to take on a leadership role in a developmentally appropriate way you can satisfy their desires, build their self-esteem, and most importantly avoid a whole lot of power struggles. There are many opportunities to empower your children during their nightly bedtime routine.
1) Let your child help create the routine (with a little guidance of course). Lay out pictures of the elements you would like to include in the routine (dinner, playtime, bath, brush teeth, books etc…) and let them create their own chart for nightly events, so that they feel in control. Ask them “What is next?” when it is time to transition from one activity to the next. My daughter loves to explain the chart to babysitters as well.
2) Give your child tons of choices. When you give your child choices offer them two options, both of which you will be satisfied with them choosing. For example, “Would you like to pick up the legos first or the train tracks? Would you like to have an apple or a banana for your snack?”…. and one of my favorites, “Would you like to go to bed now or in ten minutes?” Plan ahead. Ask them this question 15 minutes prior to their bedtime. You know what the answer will be, but again, giving them some control can go a long way towards preventing power struggles.
Snuggle Time- As each generation passes, the amount of engagement that children have with adults decreases. The result is that our children are relationally starved. Yet research shows that children who feel more connected to the adults in their lives make better choices. Put away the Blackberry and take time to engage with your child. This time can be spent reading books and discussing them, singing songs, telling stories, or simply snuggling. Taking time each night to connect with your child in this way will play a critical role in the choices they make, goals they achieve, and their relationships in general as they grow.
Teach Them to Relax- This is the key element that I find to be missing in many suggested bedtime routines. A great routine can make bedtime go smoother, but often it is not enough to actually help your little one fall asleep. In a Go Go Go world it is difficult for all of us to turn off our minds so we can relax and fall asleep—and your child is no different! Research has shown that learning effective relaxation skills can not only calm the ‘fight or flight’ response and help them sleep, but can increase stimulation in areas of the brain related to attention, memory, and learning.
Listening to the Smart Dreamzzz CDs at bedtime teaches children these skills in a developmentally appropriate way allowing children to learn how to relax their muscles and their minds so they can fall asleep easily. Your child will learn valuable relaxation skills that they can use anytime they need them, day or night.
I wish you lots of R.E.S.T.
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