In the category of ‘Be careful what you wish for,’ modern technology makes it possible for us never to be more than a touch of a button away from the demands of our jobs. Many of us fought for the opportunity to work from home. No commute, I can wear my pajamas all day and I will get to spend more time with my kids. The NY Times covered this, causing quite an outcry of responses from all sides. But now my question is: When you work from home how often are we really PRESENT with our kids?
If I had a dime for every time I’ve said to my kids, “You need to give me ten minutes, mommy’s working,” I would no longer need to work from home or anywhere else. When I say things like, “not now, I’m working” do I think my four-year-old child hears, “oh, I better leave her alone, if she doesn’t crank out this blog her google ranking will never get to where it needs to be .” Of course not! He hears, “Honey, this black box with buttons and a screen is more important to me than you are.” Suddenly, the days of being in the office from 8-5, and then not thinking about work from 5 until the next day at 8 sounds pretty good.
I am not writing this because I am the perfect work from home mom, but far from it. I am writing this to hopefully hold myself accountable for my own flawed parenting. I need to change the way I work from home. I need to be a more mindful parent and commit to being present with my kids. Here are my ideas. Please feel free to add suggestions:
- Schedule times to be a 100% present parent. I am shooting for 7 – 8:15 in the mornings (when they wake to when they leave for school), and from 7 – 8:15 at night during the bedtime routine. During this time no computer, no phone calls, no house cleaning. Just be with them, completely and totally present with them. I am also going to leave my cell phone at home on the way to and from school.
- I need to pick a place in my home that is my work place. I need to stop working at the kitchen table or in the middle of the living room. These should be family places, places we are really together and present with each other. I think that if I can have a designated “work place” it will be easier for them to understand when I am working and when I am not.
- I am always telling the parents in my classes that we are constantly modeling behavior for our kids. If my kids ask me a question and I can’t take my eyes off the computer screen to answer them I am basically telling them that they don’t need to look at people when they speak to them. Inanimate objects are more important than personal relationships. I need to change this.
Again, I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. What works for you? What is the most difficult? And the next time you call me, and you hear me tell Bode, “Not now, I’m working,” please take me to task and say “Kristen, I’m hanging up on you so you can be a present parent.” My kids and I will thank you.
