This is how it went down after 5 straight nights of my 4 year old daughter getting up in the middle of the night:
Me: OK, Lucy, then where do you want to sleep?
Her: In the bathroom.
Me: In the bathroom?
Her: Yes, in the bathroom.
Me: Why in the world would you want to sleep in the bathroom?
Her: I like it in the bathroom.
And thus, that is how the small, red, very foldable couch wound up in the bathroom. My husband was a little freaked out by this at first, but we both would have probably put her on the roof to sleep if we thought it might have helped her sleep through the night at that point. That was also about the time when I started paying much more attention to the research regarding sleep and young children. We both breathed a sigh of relief when I stumbled upon the study that suggested that up to 75% of young children have periods of not sleeping well and it’s estimated that as many as 25% of pre-school children have significant and persistent problems with sleep. I was finding similar responses in the parenting classes I was teaching. Roughly 80% of parents were saying that the issues around sleep were the number 1 or 2 biggest parenting stress points in their relationship with their spouses (of course, the other was eating).
So many other parents out there are tired, beaten, and desperate when it came to managing their child’s sleep behaviors. So now my husband and I realized we were not alone, and let me tell you, at first, we were all about the misery loves company thing. But company is only moderately soothing to tired parents. What we really want is for our kids to sleep, so we can sleep, and enjoy the time when we are all supposed to be awake.
Step One: The bedtime routine. A healthy bedtime routine is critical to a smooth evening for everyone involved. Routines, in general, are very good for children. It provides them with a sense of security; alleviate the stress that can manifest when children don’t know what to expect, and once the routine is established it eliminates a hell of a lot of power struggles.
1) Let your child help create the routine (with a little guidance, of course). Lay out pictures of the elements you would like to include in the routine (dinner, playtime, bath, brush teeth, books etc.) and let them create their own chart for nightly events. Allowing your child to help create the routine gives them the control they desire and increases their desire to follow it. Ask them “What is next?” when it is time to transition from one activity to the next. My daughter loves to explain the chart to babysitters as well.
2) Ask your child, “Would you like to go to bed now or in ten minutes?” Plan ahead. Ask them this question 15 minutes prior to their bedtime. You know what the answer will be, but again, giving them some control can go a long way towards preventing power struggles.
3) Limit screen time, especially after dinner! Even “educational programs” can elicit a stress response in your child’s brain, making it more difficult for them to fall asleep easily.
4) Read to your children. Have reading be part of the nightly routine. Some children may listen intently while others wonder around the room and play with other toys. No matter what type of child you have, hearing books read aloud is extremely beneficial and an essential ingredient to a successful bedtime routine.
5) Teach your child how to relax. This is the key element that I find to be missing in many suggested bedtime routines. A great routine can make the even go smoother, but often it is not enough to actually help your little one fall asleep. In a Go-Go-Go world it is difficult for all of us to turn off our minds so we can relax and fall asleep. Learning relaxation skills early will provide your young child with lifelong benefits. Listening to the Smart Dreamzzz™ CDs at bedtime teaches children these skills in a developmentally appropriate way; allowing children to learn how to unwind and fall asleep easily. See Why Kids Can’t Sleep, to understand exactly how it works.
